I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
