Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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