i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
