Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
