At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
