You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
