Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
