It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
