non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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