The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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