his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
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