just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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