Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
