it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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