It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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