Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
