How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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