I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I touched a dick in church today
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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