welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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