I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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