After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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