He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
