I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
