Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
