wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
not ubering you a puppy
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
