Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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