I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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