I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
