It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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