Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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