I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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