That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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