Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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