Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
