now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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