I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
