herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize