On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
