AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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