You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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