3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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