Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
