He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
