Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
