Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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