she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
