I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
