dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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