Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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