i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
