Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
