I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
