wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
