He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize