she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
