Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
