TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We don't watch enough power rangers
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
