You just made me feel so damn special
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
