Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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