Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
