pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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