Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you told grandpa to call you daddy
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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