Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
