i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
