Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
