I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ttyl tear gas
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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