Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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