U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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