we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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