dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
